Are the Malvinas Chinese?

For the Herald

‘The recent announcement by Dr. Wen Peng Fo, spokesman of the Commission of Investigatory Archeologists (CIA) of Beijing, confirms that the Chinese fleet which circumnavigated the globe, commanded by Admiral Cheng Ho, discovered the Malvinas/Falkland Islands in 1421. The news of this unexpected naval feat by Imperial China has caused consternation in the international political community.

The Wen Report sustains that his team of investigators has found maps from the Ming Dynasty period that document the founding of a small Chinese colony on the East Island of the archipelago in the 15th century. As with other territories discovered by those early Chinese expeditions, Admiral Cheng Ho left 30 settlers of different ages and professions to construct the foundations for a Chinese settlement in the South Atlantic. Today we have no knowledge of the destiny of the original colonists. Wen states that, with the information that his team has uncovered and interpreted, it is feasible to determine the precise location of the colony, and the high-ranking social scientist is awaiting official permission to prepare an expedition of archaeologists to travel to the Islands.

The only register found in relation to the identities of the 30 original colonists who settled on the East Island in 1421 contains just names and ages. Investigators have determined, from the information revealed to date, that there was no further contact with the residents on the Islands and, upon the death of their last descendent, probably at the end of the 17th century, all traces of the settlement vanished. However, in a document uncovered by the scholars, mention is made of a bronze plaque that declares the act of possession of the Islands in the name of the Ming Emperor of that period, evidence that would validate the Chinese claim to sovereignty.

For this reason, several observers have declared that it is important to wait for the final results of the academic mission that China proposes to send to locate the skeletons and belongings of the first Asiatic settlers in America and the aforementioned bronze plaque, before recognizing Chinese rights to sovereignty.

Sources close to the Chinese government assure that the repossession of this sovereign Chinese territory will be peaceful and gradual. State officials are evaluating the impact of the new geopolitical reality in the region, especially with neighbouring countries like Argentina, Chile and Uruguay. Among other measures contemplated is a resettlement programme to assist Islanders who wish to migrate to other places, such as, for example, New Zealand, Australia and Canada. All three nations have agreed to welcome immigrants from the Islands.

In response to questioning by the international press, a spokeswoman of the Chinese armed forces has announced that no military bases will be installed in the South Atlantic. In a series of high-level diplomatic meetings, the English have contacted their Chinese counterparts to discuss the future distribution of the oil and fishing rights in the region. As the Chinese discovery and settlement predate any other claim of sovereignty over the ex-British colony, the previous claims of the French, Spanish, English, as well as those of the different governments of what is Argentina today, and the brief interventions of citizens of the United States and Uruguay, are now, according to Chinese declarations, invalid.

While British pundits point out that Whitehall can now leave the Islands without the stigma of having abandoned the Kelpers, analysts in the United States celebrated the news, the consensus being that it is better to have a State with projection, strength and predictability in charge of the zone than to continue with the instability of the present-day situation.

In a recent communiqué from an official spokesman in Beijing, the government has proclaimed that the archipelago will be called the Cheng Ho Islands, in honour of the admiral who in 1421 was the first navigator to lead a fleet around the world. The announcement acknowledges the contribution of retired British naval officer Gavin Menzies, whose controversial book "1421: The Year the Chinese Discovered the World" convinced millions of readers that the Chinese were really the first to reach America, 70 years before Columbus.

With these revelations, one of the most complex riddles of modern diplomacy has been solved. And now ideas for what to do with the enormous military base that the British installed on the Islands in 1982 are proliferating, including the possibility of moving the US prison at Guantánamo to the fortress the English must abandon on East Island, thus leaving Cuba to the Cubans, using the world-class military runways for charter services and converting the base and the tiny capital village only 20 miles away into a huge theme park. Along with building a deep-water seaport on the undeveloped West Island coast for container traffic. 

The Walt Disney Company, owner of Disneyland and Disneyworld, has expressed its interest in creating an entertainment centre dedicated to the discovery of America. The plan envisions converting the capital into a historical town in the style of Williamsburg, based on the theme of pirates and corsairs. Also, with the recent success of films based on the life and habits of penguins, the theme of marine fauna on the Islands is attracting projects for Nature Parks. An Arab sheik is studying the possibility of constructing the world’s largest mall at the airbase, bringing together shops representing hundreds of internationally famous brands — a casino is also mooted.

(Edward Shaw, former Herald art critic and business columnist, was the first resident of Argentina to spend an entire week on the islands since 1982 — in 1993. He offers the above "fable" — "based on a possible but barely probable truth" — in order to spark new perspectives and ideas to break the endless deadlock "mired in antediluvian rhetoric").