Thursday
June 22, 2017

#baggagecheck

Friday, June 16, 2017

I’m not into him but he won’t stop texting me. Other than ghosting, what can I do?

By Andrea Bonoir
The Washington Post

I am a woman in my mid-20s thinking of “ghosting” on a three-month relationship. I have talked to him about how I don’t think we have chemistry and that I am not at a place in my life where I am looking for a serious relationship (truth is, I’m just not feeling it with him). But he keeps texting me and I feel like I need to just stop responding. I don’t know how much clearer I can be.

Not all three-month relationships are created equal: were you just going on occasional dates, or were you “official” in some form? Either way, it sounds like you’ve attempted to end things already, so the only remaining piece is the final notification that you are not going to respond to his texts anymore.

No, you don’t need to treat him like a spammer, but you do need to be clear and firm. How about: “I feel like I haven’t been as clear as I should have been, and that’s not fair to you. I need to tell you that although I’ve enjoyed our time together, I’m not in a place for a relationship right now. It’s best if I have a clean break for now, so please don’t be hurt if I can’t text you anymore. I wish you all my best.” When you go silent after something like that, it’s not ghosting.

The neighbours next door in our townhouse community have all kinds of people coming and going late at night. They’re nice enough during the day, but I think they may be up to something shady. I don’t have anything to go on, and it’s not like I can just say, “Hey, are you up to something shady?” It unnerves me, though, since we are in such close proximity.

There exist certain objective, neighbourly standards about noise after dark — and your townhouse community might even have regulations about them. Unless they had a specific OK from you about their behaviour (where they would have had to throw your curiosity a bone about what’s going on), then they can’t assume that it’s peachy for them to be doing what they’re doing. Bottom line: you’re unnerved. So focus on the tangibles, not the potential shadiness (noise is noise, innocent or not).

“Hey, I notice you have a lot of activity late at night. It’s fine if we’re still up, but other times I wonder if we could plan for it so we’re not caught off guard and disrupted.” Be open, friendly and respectful, and see where things go from there.

 

@drandreabonior

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